when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
