I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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