Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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