i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
