my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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