Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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