yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
