when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
