I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
