we have officially lost it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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