Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
