i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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