U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
