Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
