...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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