So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
