I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's always time for handjobs
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
