Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
