i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
