Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your cock deserves a montage
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
