I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
