I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
