Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
