The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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