i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
