Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
