and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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