Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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