left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
