fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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