i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My bed smells like the plague
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
