What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
