I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
