Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
