It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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