I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize