I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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