someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
