Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
