remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
zippers are such a cool invention
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
