my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
