Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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