This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you had me at cake vodka
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
