Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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