Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize