Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
