They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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