My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
