3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
