Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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