i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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