Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
