On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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