remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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