Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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