Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
