i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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