mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
