i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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