The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
