also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize