So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
