and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
