you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
