So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
