Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
