My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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