She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
