forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
