If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
